Chance and I were long distance for the entirety of our relationship before we got married. He lived in Alabama, and I lived in North Carolina. (We met in AL, but weren’t in a relationship at the time of me actually living there.) 582 miles apart for two years! I’m not going to tell you that it was all cute, romantic, and “easy once you get used to it” because it wasn’t. In fact, it only got more difficult. But I will tell you, that it was definitely worth it. Long Distance is stinkin’ hard, but Chance and I truly loved each other and were willing to take on the hardships for that love. Even if that included being states apart.
Now that he is in the Air Force, we are currently separated once again (2,488 miles!) as he finishes up his training. Because of the military, I’m sure this will not be the last season of separation for us! With every period of separation though, there is growth. For both of us as individuals as well as for our love and relationship. I don’t have it all figured out, and I definitely still sometimes have a really hard time handling it. But I have learned a lot through it. My hope is that with these frequently asked questions and my answers to them, what I’ve learned/found helps and encourages you!
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What is the most difficult aspect of it?
Well, definitely the obvious, not being together. There’s so much that you can’t do and experience together because of the other person being so far away. It’s frustrating and definitely gets really hard at times. But it makes the times that you are together, and the things that you do get to finally do together sooo much more meaningful. So much more special. And you enjoy it so much more than you would if it was an all the time thing. You develop a precious appreciation for time and truly cherish every single second.
How do you cope & what do you do when you get discouraged?
Your relationship with Christ is such a great source of peace and comfort during those tough periods! He was (and is) for me!! But also realizing that this won’t last forever. It’s just for a season. Keep busy. Do as much as you can together from where you are! You’d be surprised at all of the things you come up to do to spend time together!! Also having set dates that you’ll see each other again to look forward to helps a lot. (Though that isn’t always possible, it’s exciting when it is!) Don’t dwell so stinking much on the negative. Look at all that you have and all that you have to look forward to.
How did/do you push to pursue each other with being so far away?
Spending quality time together is something we prioritize, even if we have to find ways to do that so many miles apart. But that requires making time for each other. To talk, to communicate, etc. Our love is what pushed us to prioritize the pursuit of each other. We found any and all ways possible to constantly express our love and our commitment. When you’re both going through something tough like distance it tends to grow you closer anyway. “We’re in this together and we’re serious about it!” totally has to be the mindset of you both!
What are ways you made time for each other with being such long distance?
It was more making time for OTHER THINGS besides each other for us really haha. Is that bad? Any moment we could talk–we were talking. And maybe that seems obsessive but it wasn’t like we were spending time together in person, so THAT WAS OUR TIME TOGETHER. It was all we had. But our favorite way to spend time together was FaceTime! We played games over FaceTime, we had dinner together over FaceTime…if you weren’t a creative person before, YOU WILL BE AFTER LONG DISTANCE. But there were definitely times when we didn’t have a lot of time. Simple gestures like a short and sweet text at random during our busy day kept the other smiling and knowing they were being thought about regardless of our schedule.
What about cheating? Or becoming interested in someone else?
If they are genuinely serious about their relationship with you, they won’t be giving out or seeking to receive that kind of attention and those kind of relationships. Distance isn’t the problem, that is an inner issue of their heart. If that’s something they are going to feed or allow to seep out, then it would do so even if the distance wasn’t there. If you are struggling with worry and are unsettled over this, discuss it with them. Pray about it. Pray for yourself, your sweetheart, your relationship, and both of your relationships with God!
How do you stay connected so far apart? Especially during holidays?
We communicate. We include each other in our lives as much as possible. And when it comes to holidays, we make the best of it. That means having heart shaped pizzas delivered to them as a surprise on Valentine’s Day. Sending each other Christmas gifts and opening them together over FaceTime/Skype. Sending cards and letters. Again, just being creative and finding fun ways to share special days together. Creativity can make Long Distance sooo much more bearable, and maybe e even kind of fun at times.
Long distance is indeed difficult. But making the best of it makes it so much more bearable. Stay positive. Do what you can and get creative when there’s something you can’t. Stay strong! Love knows no distance.